Talk:Eternal Return/@comment-25638000-20180220210024/@comment-4207585-20180326234647

Erst attempt at translating the song to Portuguese, which I do not in any way claim to be "better" than yours. Perhaps a contrasting perspective. I tried adapting some of the archaic sentence structure to Portuguese, but my vocabulary is far from perfect. In the end I'l discuss some of the changes I'm fairly certain (but not completely sure) about.

Sob um céu falho, por planíces inférteis e águas mirras. Ah, onde estão os dias nos quais a Glória resplendia? Caídos sob sinistras asas, negras como a noite. Ah, dai-me um momento. Preze, não ouvirão o conto desta alma, De uma terra renegada?

Homem lastimável qual a morte desatou, Apoiado sobre uma lâmina quebrada, visa o céu. Pleito acima (Todo-Poderoso), será esta vossa palavra? Vocifero, imploro a verdade, mas o som de resposta alguma é ouvido. Ainda, agora ele vê o dogma do dragão, desatado do tempo, omniconexo, grandioso desígnio. Terras, céus e mares aspiram, Ao fim do ciclo de eterno retorno. Ao fim do ciclo de eterno retorno.

The word "hark" can mean "listen" as a call to attention. For example, "harken" is akin to "recall", which is calling attention to a previous point in time. I think this was the case here since immediately after, the lyrics explicitly mention hearing, which would be redundant otherwise.

"Benight" could be either literally mean "en-night-ed", as in, something to which night has fallen, or it can be related to being lost in shadow, forgotten. I'm not quite sure. For diversity, I opted for the second meaning.

"Looks too skyward", note "skyward", not "at the sky". This could just mean that the man has great aspirations, instead of literally be looking at the sky.

"No answer's sound be heard" - this was actually a mistranslation on your part, albeit a very forgivable one. This phrasing means that no answer was heard, not that there was an answer but it was not heard. Your translation implies the later, which would place responsibility on the character, not the universe, which was the original meaning.

In the last two lines, I took some severe artistic license to syntatically fit them to the previous line, but I'd say it's fine because "finish" can either be a verb or a noun. ("finish this" vs "this is the finish")